In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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