you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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