using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
if only i could text you this smell
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
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Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
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She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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