I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
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We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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