People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
