I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
