Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
