I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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