This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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