Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
