she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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