Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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