her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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