i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
