On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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