It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
