Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
