I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
