My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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