my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
