now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
