dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
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Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!