Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON