Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.