At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?