Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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