About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
