he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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