My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
