You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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