im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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