i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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