So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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