so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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