I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
