wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
