were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
