she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
