I wannas sexs uuuuu
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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