the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize