Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
MIDGETS
????
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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