Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
