I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
