idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
