I got chris browned last night
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
In America we eat man semen.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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