Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
