Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
