I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
