nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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