My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
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Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't put those talents on a resume
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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