Cold hands, warm shart.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
