I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
