I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
