dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
