i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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