so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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