so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
