Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
