oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
