Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
