I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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