I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
