i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
