Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
