Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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